My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize