His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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