I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
