I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
