My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
