There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
