he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
