you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
