he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
