I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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