...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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