Whod you bang
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
