I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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