The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
