omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
