I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
