he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
only if we run a train.
done.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
