I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I smell stomach acid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
