We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
