We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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