I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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