I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
