Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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