I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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