ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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