your room smells of hookers.
And success
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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