Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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