Where is the hickey?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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