PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
