3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
