Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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