I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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