i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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