So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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