I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
