Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
