I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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