If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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