i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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