He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Boobs speak an international language.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
