i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
how drunk are you?
Several
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
