And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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