I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
