who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
