I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
