omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
