My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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