alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
