I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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