My room smells like vodka and shame
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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