so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
