this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
