I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
