I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
