I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
