I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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