we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
