I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my liver is dry heaving
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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