dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize