You just made me feel so damn special
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
