My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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