i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
