Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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