Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
