Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
