I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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