Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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