I'm gonna have a badass scar
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
